Thinking

About life, romance.
Motivated to write draw and create!

Never?

Thought this was over. Don't you see how much this hurts me? You say I always make it about me when in fact you always do whatever the hell you want. Sure you ask my opinion I tell you straight from the heart but you continue to do whatever you like. I try to quit but you just won't let go.

It's tearing me apart breaking me down into pieces. I don't know how much longer I can pretend I'm ok. This smile is getting heavier. Harder to breath. 

Mouth shut

You asked how I felt and I told you and now your flipping my world upside down. Guess another lesson learned. And now I'm left here questioning every decision I've ever made. 

Good bye you were the bestest best friend. Rip

Farewell Finn

My heart is heavy tonight. My mom is a true warrior. How does a parent wake up every morning after thier child had deceased. It is like getting the same call everyday . Losing my brother never stops hurting. 

How did we ever think life could ever be fair. Who planted that thought in our heads? Life is given and can be taken away just as fast. 

Breaks my heart the actor from Finn took his own life. Farewell friend rest in peace. 

Over worked.

It must be really nice to not work or do any house work. I work 8 hour days clean with any energy I have left homeschool make dinner and try to spend time with my family. Not to mention I am riding my bike to and from work because I have no car. I enjoy my bike rides . But I feel as tho I am the only one working hard. No one helps me keep my house clean. 

Must be nice to be at home on disability and do school work or play computer games or run around town with your brother catching up with old friends who are girls assuming I am ok with it although I have to get permission to do anything other then work. Usually I shrug these feelings off but some days it bothers me more then normal. I am close to tears right now feeling under appreciated and over worked. 

Would it be too much to ask for a few day vacation by myself? Yes because I am a helpless girl and everyone wants to kidnap me or worse. Ok I'm done ranting 💜remember to smile

P.s

I got my wish! I finally have a few hours alone tonight!!! 

Rain 10-9-13

Life still isn't going my way which I don't expect it to. At least today was productive. The skies finally rained! The scent of the outdoors was enjoyable and the trees too danced with joy! 

After lunch I was in a meeting for an hour on how to better ourselves for our patients. There is always room for improvement . I love discovering ways on how to better myself. 

Husbands still sick. Has been for a few weeks now. I'm trying my best to be the trophy wife but all I find myself is irritable. I don't believe it to be a cold nor a virus. I think he is just nervous about the life change he's putting us thru wether or not it's going to be a yes or no. Only god can pull me thru as I drag my feet. 

I love the cold chill the rain has left us. Cold breeze as the sunsets and the clouds dress in many colors.

Oh how I wish I had a few hours to myself  to think, write or even draw, pray or just have a good cry.

Just Breath Woman!

I sigh at life. Never ever thought I would end up in a situation like this. Sure you see it on tv . I don't even know how to handle it . Just so many questions run thru my mind like a merry go round. I try to remind myself one day at a time. I guess you could say I believe in karma. This too shall pass? I wish this was a situation I could talk to someone about but I can't. Not that I'd have anyone who could listen. Everyone's busy with their own lives, their own mistakes to deal with. Still don't have friends really. I'm trying my hardest but not good enough. Sure I have co workers and we hang out here and there but that is if I plan it . Count my blessings eh? It can only get better from here? Maybe